Inliners International Forums General Discussion Bench racing ~~On My Roof~~

Greetings All,

Last Monday, January 8th, at 1:30 A.M.,

My wife and I were awakened by our dog barking. Our dog did as he always does, barks once or twice and stands at either the front or back door depending on where the offending noise is coming from. This time he stopped at the doorway to the room next to the back-door. Not understanding this, I proceeded to check both the back and the front yards. All quiet, just what would be expected for such an early hour.
Looking at the dog, he was still holding his position. I sat down in a chair facing him trying to understand what was wrong. Two lights bumps came from the ceiling above.
Ok, not to long ago we had a possum. Was it on the roof? Back outside I went to the very back of the yard so I could shine a light on the roof. The sight did not make any sense. It appeared to be one large lump with two white blobs jumping back and forth over the large lump.
Great, there's something on my roof eating something else.
Back inside to get the ladder.
From the top of the ladder I peek on to the roof with the light expecting to see some wild animals gorging themselves.

Now it gets weird.

What I see is the bottom of two bare feet. A woman is laying face up on my roof. The roof bumps are her arm flopping back and forth.
Off the ladder, inside to the phone. I dial 911.
The operator answers.
Operator: "911, what's the nature of your emergency?"
Me: "There's a woman on my roof."
Operator: "Sir, do you live in an apartment or a house?"
Me: "A house!"
Operator: " Is she white of black?"
Me: "I don't know."
Operator: " Is she injured?"
Me: "I don't know."
Operator: "Can you check?"
Me: " ...............Ummmmm................, ok."
Am I dumb?
During the conversation I had the distinct notion that the Operator didn't believe a single word she was hearing.
Back up the ladder I went with phone and flashlight.
Did say dumb?
Now instead of just flashing the beam across her and running. I shine the light directly on her.
Roof Lady: "oohhhhhhh........."
Operator: "I HEARD HER!"
Yes, the operator shouted.
Im off the ladder, on the ground, and back inside in milliseconds of this.
Operator: " An Officer is in route".

As I'm walking to the front door my mind is running through how (?).
Did She fall from somewhere?
Airplane, helicopter, balloon?
No, the landing should have put her through the roof.
Space aliens, do they kidnap and abandon people on roofs?
Divine intervention. Does God test or play jokes like this.
Its 1:30 in the A.M.
Would you be thinking rationally?

My roof is over 16 foot from the ground in the front. The back, at the lowest point is twelve feet. I know this because of the rain gutter I installed. The gutter is plastic, It would break if climbed or pulled on.

The first Officer to arrive is female. She looks at me as if I'm deranged. Asks what's the problem and back comes my reply regarding the woman's location.
The Officer isn't buying it either. A second officer arrives and we all proceed to the back of the house.

Both Officers are speechless. They paused, and asked me if I knew her.
"Ah, no."
I'm sure they think I put her there.

They proceed to do their duty by opening a dialog with the roof lady. During this a third officer arrives. I've since moved to the far corner of the yard. This officer approaches me. Looks a the roof lady, looks at me, and we exchange shoulder shrugs. With out a word, he joins the other two.

The Roof lady is hysterical as the Officers remove her.

Her story between sobs.
She claims to be a stripper from Sammy's
Yes, a person who takes off there clothes and dances around a pole for money.
Said she was drinking at another strip club not far from my home.
I need to move.
She left that club, became lost in the woods.
I live in an fairly old and well developed neighborhood. Built in the 1950's. No woods between the bar and home. It's maybe 300 yards to my house. You can see it from the mail box.
Yes, I really need to move.
She came across a pack of boys, who chased her up a tree. From there, she jumped onto the roof.

After hurricane Ivan hit us, that tree, the only tree, was trimmed back over twenty feet from the roof. It's been kept that way. I checked the roof for possible damage if she did come out of the tree from twenty feet away. No broken branches, twigs, leaves, or even foot prints.

The last Officer to leave said she's probably on Crack. Thought only Red Bull gives you wings.

I still don't know how she got there.

Well that was my morning, how was yours?

John C.

Dear John;

You should have kept her, there much more fun than dogs.

A "Fallen Angel" most likely.

Not only should you move, but I would consider
a high rise condo or somewhere really cold, like Alaska!

RapRap
1940 ChoppedChevyCoupe

hummmmmmm CATwoman ON Crack????????????? & BATman dropped her off??????? OR ???????? heck i don't know.LOL

Too weird, but kinda funny. Oh,wait. Santa's other helper?

haha